Wikidata:Lounge/Speaking rightly, acting rightly

The internet can be a violent place, not because of spikes, weapons or thorns, but because we don't know who is at the other side and what their intentions are. In real life you might unintentionally walk on someone's foot, and from their scream or their expression you know that you have hurt them. Also, after seeing the immediate effect of your actions, you can react quickly by saying "I'm sorry!" By your sincere apologetic expression, the injured person knows that it was not your intention to hurt them, but just an accident.

In Wikidata accidents also happen all the time. You might inadvertently delete someone's well-sourced statement, or by changing some statement to something you might think is more accurate but that might be affecting someone's information structure. Or even worse, your automatic tool, fed with the best intentions, might cause some mistakes. But here there are no screams, nor an opportunity to react quickly, so accidents require everyone to be more tolerant. In the same way that when you step on someone's foot, there is no point arguing about where the foot was. It was an accident, let's sit down together and see how it happened and how to make it less likely to happen in the future, but let's not focus too much on where the foot was, or on blaming the other for their foot following this trajectory but not the other. It is useless.

But without knowing this there is anger. And anger is followed by angry words. And angry words are replied to with more angry words, and angry words bring division, policies, repression, and unhappiness. Learn to recognize your own anger before speaking and calm it down, or the only words that you can say will be harsh. When one is calm, it is possible to see more clearly what harm was inflicted, how the other person might feel about it, and what actions or words are the best to de-escalate the situation. But first remove your own exhalted emotions, then you will be able to speak about what happened in a kind way, and that will help others to remove their anger too.

It is also paramount to learn how to forgive and not to hold resentments. In Wikidata quarrels might happen, and each one thinks of the harm done by the other, and that makes hate grow. Do NOT focus on who was right or wrong, do not invest time in proving your point. When one forgives and forgets, anger disappears, and one can focus on the real origin of the problem. If the other is showing you anger, you can only react with kindness and non-hatred, it is the only way forward.

Lastly, whenever you find unreconciliable points of view, remember that you both are in Wikidata for the benefit of everyone, and that goal requires communal peace and compromises. And even if that was not enough, remember also that no matter how young either of you is, neither of you is going to live for ever. That makes every quarrel pale into insignificance when compared to our shared future, and our thoughts become calmer and more reasonable. Better to live in harmony during our limited time here!